Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch

Top 50 Money Jokes – Short Quick One-Liners

Quick Financial One Liner Jokes

The market is weird.
Every time one guy sells,
another one buys,
and they both think
they’re smart.

Cartoon: Business meeting discusses bar chartWe succeeded in turning around the business … just in the wrong direction.

What’s another name
for long term investment?
A failed
short term investment!

A study of economics
usually reveals
that the best time
to buy anything
was last year.

An economist
is an expert
who will know tomorrow
why the things
he predicted yesterday
didn’t happen today.

Why did God
create stock analysts?
In order to make
weather forecasters
look good.

Where should I
invest my money?
Put it on booze.
Where else
you get forty percent?

Who was the world’s
first stock broker?
Noah – He floated his stock
while the world
was in liquidation.

An investor
to his advisor:
Is really all my money gone?
No, of course not.
It’s just with somebody else!

Question Answer
Animal Money Jokes

What happened
when the cat swallowed a coin?
There was money in the kitty.

Why is a cat like a penny?
Because it has a head
on one side
and a tail on the other.

What dog has money?
A bloodhound,
because he is always picking up (s)cents.

What’s the difference
between a pigeon and a tramp?
The pigeon can put
a deposit on a Porsche.

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